why so complicated

as a mature woman of a certain age, i understand the need for control over certain emotions and impulses... but sometimes i really wish i didn't have to hold back for the sake of social propriety, and just flat out tell certain people how much i despise and am offended by their existence. i am a hater. i hate that i hate, but it's who i am so i won't apologize for it.

everything this one specific person says and does just annoys me to no end. i wish he never forced himself into my life in the first place. i wish he stopped thinking he was god's gift to the world. i wish he would stop being such a creep and get over himself.

then on the other hand, there's that person i regret having cut out of my life. an incident that had felt like such a huge deal at the time doesn't affect me at all now, and seems ridiculously petty and minor in hindsight. yet being the chicken that i am, i am afraid to reach out first to renew the friendship that was lost. which makes me sad when i think about all the fun we could be having together if it wasn't for what happened.