still awake at 1:39 am...

and i can't tell if it's sleep that's eluding me, or if it's me who's eluding sleep. am i still up despite my fatigue because i'm choosing to stay up, or am i still awake despite my fatigue because i physically can't fall asleep? yes, highly uninteresting questions i like to ask myself... and you know what i hate? how i only run into people i know (the kind of people i need to look good in front of) when i haven't showered, have residual make up on from the previous night, and am wearing clothes that make me look like a clown or a grandpa, one or the other. why?