i don't give a fuck if you're mauling me

i had copious amounts of cheap, fat (cheap and fat go hand in hand these days) and bad but delicious mall food today and my brother cooked dinner tonight which included seafood pasta, steak, salad, and roasted rosemary potatoes. just kill me now, i'm gonna die soon from an exploded stomach anyway; if not get fired from work because i'm hideous, gargantuan and unsightly, at which point i will proceed to shoot myself myself. and i have been unable to function as a normal human being for the past few days because i have been making stupid decisions over and over and over again (albeit consciously and deliberately). 

it's been fun but vapid... i'm getting bored of doing the same things and seeing the same people all at the same places. i want to be having intellectually stimulating conversations with interesting people, discussing things of value and significance. (pretentious much?) i want to meet people and care: not just pretend to care while knowing i won't be remembering their names in the morning, when i wake up with a hangover from the vodka tonics i was sucking down as i feigned interest in what these pretentious strangers were indiscernibly yelling into my neck/face/ears. i can't wait for my classes to start, so that i can gain knowledge and exercise my brain rather than empty calories and my liver. as much as i've been shying away from the future, i still want to feel like i'm going somewhere in life. i miss feeling passionate about something.

at the moment though i am hating all people and loving being alone, listening to music and watching movies and feeding my emotions. i need to be alone for a little bit and it's perfect because i am totally free of any obligations until tuesday. i need time to decompress. i just have to, or else i will stab someone in the face with a blunt knife. why am i such an introverted and twisted little asian girl?

eva green is so fucking hot i can't deal.