into the year twenty thirteen

i'm stuck on repeat.

lately i've been having that old familiar feeling of being stuck in a rut, you know, like my days are on an endless repeat setting. it is the 9-5 lifestyle that perpetuates this feeling. admittedly there is a small number of outside factors that affects this as well but mostly it's having the same schedule everyday with little variance. most days, by the time i'm out of work, i don't want to do anything but to scurry home and smoke the good herb and clear my head of any and everything that's on my mind, in order to relax.....

but mind you even that relaxation comes with a price, and now said "relaxation activity" has become part of that same daily routine that is resulting in me feeling like i'm starring in my own Groundhogs Day movie.

so in saying that, my hopes for myself for this new year is that i'll be able to identify and break a lot of bad habits, and to be more active in my own life, as silly as it sounds.. i can't say exactly when but i do realize there was a point where i think i just gave up because i felt like i wasn't in control of anything any more. but shit won't change and shit won't happen if you yourself don't actively pursue whatever it is you're looking for in life.

bye bye 2012, hello 2013.

back to mumbling nonsense

it's been awhile! i want to start writing again because the process of writing is very therapeutic for me, even if it is me just spewing nonsense all over your face and into your mouth. (lovely picture).. i recently attended my childhood friend's wedding at the exquisite German Society of Philadelphia. not only did i want to look pretty, i wanted to stand out as well. i put my outfit together last minute so i may have looked a mess instead: vintage faux fur coat from etsy, cheetah print l/s mini dress from nastygal, cream tights from american apparel, mustard yellow strappy sandals with blue heel from bally.

uurrrwaaarrrrggghhh!!! i l o o k s c a r y .

my room is littered with shoes

i started this blog in 2009 and now we're staring 2013 in the face. time doesn't slow down for anyone, and change seems to be the only constant we have in this world. i really have nothing of any importance to contribute to the blogosphere nor do i live a fast paced and exciting life somebody out there would want to read about. but i do have interesting thoughts every now and then if you can believe it haha. but anyway bye.

in the end

all i want is to be understood. i don't want my intentions being misconstrued and my feelings and thoughts misunderstood simply because i lack the skills to express myself definitively sometimes. that will never happen.

snow day

winter this year in philadelphia has been generally mild and unusually warm compared to all winters before, and i thought i wasn't going to see any snow this year but i was wrong.  i couldn't sleep until 5:30AM last night so i was at my computer doing stupid things and wasting time; i remember looking out the window, going back to unimportant matters on the computer, and then looking up again a couple hours later to see snow flurries and the street covered in about 2 inches of snow. the city is so pretty and peaceful at night, and watching snow falling in the dead of the night was a treat.

i've been watching the show sex and the city again. watching this show, as well as being in a relationship at the moment, makes me wonder: are relationships worth all that stress and drama it usually entails (at least in the beginning)? if so, how can one differentiate whether it's worth it or not with each new relationship one decides to pursue? as much as i don't want to admit it, and as much as i deny caring about my age because i believe age ain't nuffin' but a numba, the older we get the more we want to invest in relationships that'll be worthwhile... i'm sure it's not everyone, but for me personally i no longer want to waste time with someone i know there is no future with. i feel that i'm done with being with someone for the sake of having someone beside me. i want a relationship that'll mean something to me at the end of my life, i want a relationship that'll change me as a person, help me grow and learn something about myself. even if we don't last, even if it isn't love everlasting, as long as there was real substance at the end of it, it would have been worth my time.

with dating, there's always that early period when it's still a little awkward because new relationships are basically two people trying to get on the same page, transitioning from thinking about "me, me, me" to "him, him, him" (or "her, her, her") and "us, us, us". but what makes that awkward transition stage worth it is that sweet thrill of knowing there's someone out there who thinks about you just as much as you do them, and the joy that comes from discovering a priceless connection between you and the significant other.

anyways... bye.

the picture of elegance

a beautifully sunny day in philadelphia today and i look like i'm going to go on a shooting spree. today i'm wearing my fur collared overcoat from urban, a color block hoodie from my boyfie, black high waisted skinny jeans, my doc martens and vintage deadstock sunnies from american apparel. this is from around 10 am this morning. i had bummed two bucks from my roommate so i can go and get my cigarette fix. what a lady!